So what do you do when you lose your boyfriend and best friend all in one swoop??? You get angry, have several meltdowns, go on a mini vacation and wake up a few days later realizing you're single, sexy and free, chop off a good chunk off your hair, and return to your rock star/punk rock phase (minus the drugs and alcohol) of being the sassy, quirky bitch that everyone knows and loves. That's right ladies and gents, I'm back!!!

My Friend JL

So as a member of the stacks, I met this dude one day. We exchanged pleasantries through BB. A few months later, he's still around and I have to admit he's a pretty cool guy. He was there for me during my recent crisis...lending an ear and words of wisdom....and I'm there for him during "singing lady" and sometimes when he's bored at work. Lol. He comes from a Honda family and he's very family oriented. He lives close by so hopefully we'll get to meet one day. So here's to my friend JL!!!

Things I miss about being in a relationship:

1. A nice, firm hand to scrub my back
2. hmm.....cricket......cricket.

Lol. Just kidding, there are a lot of things I miss about being with him in particular, too many to list, but there are some that I don't. I'm still trying to put together the missing pieces of the puzzle. I know now that he'll never tell me what truly happened, how things got this far and in a way, its better for some things to be left unsaid. I haven't had any meltdowns since the last post, so I think its safe to say that things are getting better. We even talk more and its not as hard as it was a couple of months ago. He's starting to voice his regret a little more, especially since he found out about the trip....jealous!!!....but we both know things have to stay this way for a while and maybe forever. Forever was what I was afraid of in the beginning and I had a hard time letting go, but it has to be this way. Besides, I need to sort out my feelings about my muse. This is something I have to address and settle with myself.

No woman, no cry!!!

It has been an extremely trying week. The realization that you have to start anew and by yourself. The mini discussion and decision about the account. Seeing my dog for less than 2 minutes after 3 months. Dealing with office politics and the sharks vying for my office. Dealing with lawyers and legal documents. Deadlines. Decisions. Desolation. The tears, fears, anxiety, anger and to top it all off, its that time of the year. At the time when I feel the worst in both my personal and professional life, I have to complete a self evaluation. I've somehow managed to make it this far through the week. To keep myself laughing and smiling, even though on the inside I was anything but....and today thank God for Katie. As "Katie did Dallas" (short story: her full name sounds like a stripper name)....as she did her little dance at the end of the day just to make me laugh, I realized that the pains in my back are gone, along with the kink in my neck. I realized that I was actually laughing and smiling, not just pretending. It has been a trying journey but it is time to forgive and venture onto a different path. It has been a trying week, but as the weekend approaches, I plan to leave all that behind me and be grateful for those that have kept me smiling.

Good friends we have, oh, good friends we've lost
Along the way, yeah!
In this great future, you can't forget your past;
So dry your tears, I seh, yeah!

"No Woman No Cry" --- Bob Marley

Untitled

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind." --- Dr. Seuss

WTHIWWTP???

So we  drove past the house on Good Luck today....the house with the probably the highest electric bill in the country (unless they own the company which would explain a lot of things). The owner(s) literally have the whole house decorated for every single holiday. The driveway, the lawn, the roof, the windows....last Christmas they ran out of space and used the neighbors house to help anchor some of the roof decorations!!! Yes that's how bad it is. Even when its not a holiday, the lights are still up and they're always on. I can understand not wanting to take all those lights down, but do you need to have them on??? I wonder how far up you'd have to go to not be able to see it.

Anyway we drove up today and guess what.....yep you got it!!! They have halloween decorations up already. I guess the time between labor day and halloween is just too long....yes they had it decorated for labor day. I'm going to try to take a picture tomorrow. Its on the way to the hairdresser...oops...I meant the hairstylist. I need batteries for my cam. A cell phone cam won't do it justice at all. I just thought of something...I've never seen anyone at that house. I mean for all the decorating and crap that they do you'd think you'd see someone outside rearranging or fixing something. But no not once in....how long has it been...3 years almost....not a single soul....and the front door's always open during the day. Its kinda like the ghost house in my neighborhood...I'll save that one for another post

Counting Down

7 more to go. I'm trying to clean off my desk and tie up all the loose ends by Friday, so next week I'll just be doing my regular daily work. Stress free before I take my exit. I need to go shopping this weekend.....need a few more tops, slacks, and shoes. I definately need a jacket since the weather's changing. That'll have to do until I get more first check. Can't wait!!!

New Everything

Well almost. New look for the blog....finally. New job...finally. Next on the agenda is a car, school, and house. Starting on the first of October. I'm so excited. Tomorrow I'm turning in my resignation letter. Oh I can't wait. September 28 will be my last done. The girls are taking out to dinner. It'll be sad to leave them but I've been waiting for this day for so long. Its time to leave NHP. Even though they're trying to turn things around and make changes, its still not a place for someone my age. Anyways that's all the rambling for now. I'm going back to doing my monkey dance!!! Toodles!!!

new year, new blog

ladies and gents, i've failed yet again to upkeep another journal. this is my final attempt. i'm not even sure why i bother because no one reads it anymore. i think i should start off by doing a weekly post, instead of a daily one. life's not that interesting to do a daily update. some remodeling needs to be done to the blog before i can start writing again. so if i can find some time this weekend to do that, expect new posts starting next week.

untitled

my week of idleness has begun. my itinerary for the week:

1. driving (2hrs, tues, wed, thurs)
2. shopping (clothes & shoes)...love you mom
3. lunch with cnotty
   
4. buy wardrobe & organize room
5. sex...i know i said its over...but i'm weak-willed & its been so long (57 to be exact) & i'm on vacation. so you all can yell at me next week
   
6. more sex
7. sleep
8. more sleep
9. movies
10. finish current crochet project & start new blanket
11. if i have time between the sex...kidding...read and maybe dust off the PS2.
    

untitled

it really amazes me that friends my age can still afford to sleep late on weekdays...and i don't mean until 10:00 a.m....more like 2:00p.m...don't these people have a job. maybe i'm just jealous because even on weekends when i'm supposed to sleep late...no matter what time i go to bed...i always wake up around 7:00a.m. i called 3 people today around 2:00p.m. and woke them all up.

first convo
me: "hey whats up?"
friend: "actually i was still sleeping. you woke me up."

me: "sorry. don't you have shit to do today?"
friend: "no not really."

friend: " can i call you back in about an hour or so?"
me: "okay, bye."


second convo
me: "hi, i was just returning your call."
friend: "damn you woke me up."

me: "not working today i see."
friend: "nope."

me: "okay well i'll let you go."
friend: "i'll call you later, maybe in an hour."


third convo
me: "lemme guess...i woke you up."
friend: "yeah you did."

me: "don't you people fucking work anymore?'
friend: "nah just laying around the house."

friend: "whats wrong with you?"
me: "nothing at all. lemme guess you're gonna call me back? in an hour or two? ok bye."

only one called me back in an hour, which means the other two slept until about 5-6p.m. wish i could do that. i can't even take naps anymore. so yeah i guess i'm a little jealous. let's see its 11:15p.m now...if i go to sleep now i'll prolly wake up at 6:00a.m. then drift in and out until my alarm goes off at 7:00...because i'm afraid i'll sleep through the alarm...then curse myself for missing out on an hour. i miss those lazy summer days.

woo hoo!!!

I'M GONNA BE A MAID OF HONOR!!! wait are you sure about this??? me honorable??? you sure you have the right person??? maybe you meant to ask your other third cousin once removed. hehe!!!

untitled

bitches!!!!!!!!! i have a four-day weekend....woo hoo!!! see you all in jersey. does anyone know if the reception's open-bar??? please say it is. we're getting cnot drunk. as you can tell there's nothing new to report. everything's shitty as shitty goes in this shitty area. oh by the way, i'm trying out "shitty" and "pissy"...tired of saying "fuck" all the time and for those of you who've never heard me swear come to work with me for a day...it'll be entertaining i promise. i don't have anything to bring as a back-up in case the dresses don't fit. i really need to expand the special occasion section of my wardrobe...the only thing i have for special occasions are saris but its not an indian wedding.

hmmm...what else??? haven't really seen any good movies lately. oh wait i lied. i watched Mystic River wednesday night.



if you haven't seen it yet make sure you add it to your netflix queue. i cried a lot but the hormones might have had something to do with it...that time of the month. haven't been to the movies lately so there's nothing really to report or recommend. i do want to see War of the Worlds, Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Batman Begins of course. if you've seen any of them, let me know if they're woth seeing in theaters or not. Oh i almost forgot Bewitched. Hmmm...i need a good horror/thriller movie to watch. any recommendations???

there's something else i wanted to say but i can't remember...thats the old age kicking in...oh its past my bedtime...later.

practice time

today i'm going to practice playing the guitar. i can't remember the last time i attempted to play anything. i have to set up a weekly schedule that allows me enough time to practice at least once a day, and to crochet (seeing as i have several projects to finish). i think i need to start getting up earlier so i can eat breakfast, well a healthy one...breakfast for me is usually starbucks or mcdonald's coz they're the only ones open on my route to work. so this is what my schedule will be, hopefully, for the next 2 months.

Monday - Friday
6:30a - shower, get dressed
7:00 - eat breakfast
7:30 - wake up RAJ (this takes half an hour)
8:00 - practice
8:30 - leave for work
9:00a - 6:00p NHPME
7:00p (if i'm lucky) - change, relax, check & respond to emails
8:00 - eat dinner
8:30 - practice
9:00 - make necessary phone calls (i miss my 7-7)
10:00 - crochet
12:00 - bedtime

Mondays & Wednesdays - eat dinner earlier, run/exercise from 8 -9

Saturday & Sunday aka family, friends, and fucking days. time will be spent cleaning, learning how to cook, hanging out with friends, running, something fun and new, etc.

so call me stupid...

...but i'm eating watermelon which i think i might be allergic to. the last time i had it i was 7 years old, i turned bright red and was itchy all over. i'm hoping i've out-grown this allergy. i guess we'll see in a few minutes or hours. i'm not too fond of it though. so contrary to popular belief, not all black people love watermelon. i've also just grown to like cantaloupes. favorite fruit: green apples and it has to be a specific green...the green that makes your mouth feel sour just looking at it. why??? because i only eat the peel/skin. yes i know i'm extremely weird. i can only eat red or golden apples if they're sliced and peeled. ok i feel a slight itch...time to dump the melons.

CASPA apps

Central Application Service for Physician Assistants(CASPA). started the application today. wish me luck. its similar to the amcas....just one application sent out to several schools. there are only 3 schools in MD with an accredited pa program; towson, eastern shore & anne arundel community college. i think towson's my best bet so far. they have rolling admission which is a good thing, but according to caspa, its better to apply before august 15th for best consideration. so hopefully all goes well and i can get all my transcripts and recommendations by then. its going to be a crazy summer. i'm also still looking into bowie's nursing program. the application deadline is october 15th, spring admission only. all i have left to do is complete this essay and submit it. but since the program starts in the spring, i have to register for classes for the fall or risk getting my ass sent back home. so keeping my fingers crossed, i'll be a full-time student in the fall...fun fun!!! i'll be taking micro II, elementary stat, a philosphy class, and a social work class. i'll need micro & the stat class for both programs...so i figured i might as well go ahead and get it out the way.

too long to be a comment

this is in response to mar's comment on this post

sorry :-( i'll try to keep you updated before blogging. plus you were on vaca anyway. where's my guru when i need her??? off getting engaged & shit!!! you're not a parttime guru!!! i have to do an evalutaion. seeing as you have the wedding to plan and all, you'll have a lot on your plate. maybe you need an assistant. yep! you need an assistant. applications will be available for this position in a week or two. anyone interested in being an assistant guru to me, please contact me via email :-)

i'm rich biotch

i have $78.64 in change!!! gucci, fendi, louis here i come!!!

its too fucking hot to blog or do anything. it was 93 degrees today...felt like a 105...the heat sapped all my energy. its been like this for the past few days. this summer's going to be hell on earth. i promised you all an update...so here's a quickie. shortie and i are still together. goonga and i are friends again. work sucks...everyone's quitting. no rosea this year so far....and the old spots are fading...woo hoo!!! yeah thats it. i gotta go...need to go sit near a vent or fan. its still 90 degrees outside!!!

breathe

today was one of those days....everything felt wrong....everything was annoying. walking through the door this morning, i just wanted to turn around, walkout, go home and curl up in bed. not because i was tired or sick, but because i didn't want to be there. i didn't want to be anywhere. sometimes you just want to escape, forget everything and everyone. i made it upstairs without snapping at anyone, and put on my headphones as soon as i sat down. the day hadn't even begun and i wanted it to be over. it got even worse at lunchtime because i was asked to do someone else's work leaving me no time to do mine, someone who's had a 6 day weekend (absent thursday, friday, and today). so today even though i'm not the praying kind, i had to say a quick one to keep my frustrations from turning into anger and to keep me from lashing out. and also to say thank you because even though its a shitty job, i have one.

now i'm home sitting here with my headphones on, blocking out the family, the phone ringing, and every other annoying sound. tomorrow i'll feel like myself again, because i have to. because tomorrow i have to call my parents and try to keep them together. because tomorrow i have to make a few calls to some family members because my uncle just died from cancer. because tomorrow i have to find some encouraging words to say to a friend who's watching his dream and everything he's worked extremely hard at fall apart. because tomorrow i have to make some calls about my school situation. because tomorrow i have too much shit to do to be mopping around.